Jeremy looked down at the plump girl quizzically.
“Ummm…do I know you?”
“Uh, duh? I’m Kasey! Well…mostly anyway.”
The large man in the chair reached into his shirt pocket and produced a rolled cigarette. He then struck a match on the bottom of his shoe and lit it, puffing generously.
Jeremy sniffed a moment at the floral scent and found himself turning to question the man who had only moments ago tried to slide his tongue down his throat.
“Dude,” he began. “Is that a lavender and grapefruit cigarette?”
The large man looked up at Jeremy a moment, took a long drag, and exhaled through his nose.
“Nope. It’s just a cigarette I soaked in FeBreeze. I can’t stand the smell of cigarette smoke.”
Jeremy looked at him a moment puzzeled. He raised his eyebrow, then turned back to the young girl wrapped around his waist.
“You are so NOT Kasey,” he started. “I think I should know. I’ve looked at her pictures every night since I met her.”
The tiny princess angrily unlatches herself from him.
“I told you: I’m Kasey!” She screamed.
Jeremy shook his head with a smirk. “You’re like 10 years old! Kasey’s a hot 22 year old babe.”
The old man in the chair coughed. “You watch your tone with my little girl, you sexy stud muffin! I’ll knock those pretty little teeth right out of your disrespectful face!”
Jeremy immediately came to attention, realizing he may be in the absolute strangest situation he has ever heard of! He breathed in deeply and sighed.
“Yes, my love?”
“Why am I wearing this corset? And why was I hanging upside down in your tree outside?”
The little princess frowned at him.
“Because you drank too much and you’re a terrible athlete.”
The old man chuckled, then began coughing. He pounded his chest and spoke.
“No, darlin’, I said he’s a ‘Candy A**’….NOT a ‘terrible athlete’!”
Jeremy turned to the man again. “What are you two talking about?”
“My little princess was trying to hide you! Bless her little stupid heart! And you were so ‘Wine-o wasted’ that you tried to make a parachute out of a parachute, boy!”
The man and the girl laugh uncontrollably. Jeremy looks on confused.
“Why? Why would I do that, sir?”
“Because you’re adorable when you’re drunk, my love!” She wrapped her stubby arms around him once more.
“I blame the ruffies in his cognac myself…”
“I’m sorry?! What?!”
“…but never mind that,” the man said, rising from his seat. “Your brother will be home soon and if he finds this beautiful piece of trash here again, he’ll kill him for sure this time.”
Jeremy’s eyes widened. “Wait! Brother!? Kill me?! W-w-why?!”
“‘Cause you not only broke his sweet little’s sister’s heart last night,” the man began, clasping a firm hand on Jeremy’s shoulder. “But you also tried to make out with his fiancee in HIS bedroom!”
TO BE CONTINUED…