P.U.L.D. – A Short Story

Courtesy of Pinterest.com

 Two strangers, both attractive and young, approaching one another on the summer streets of Memphis. The man smiles, catching the brief eye contact, and  speaks.”Hey, ma…”

“Ma? I am not your mother, ‘pa’,” The woman replied. “What makes you think you can attract a woman with that kind of disrespect?”

The woman stops to await a response. The man stops as well.

“I didn’t mean to disrespect you,” he replied. ” I’m new here and that’s a common greeting where I’m from…”

“You’re here now.” The woman responded, visibly irritated by the man’s response. She looked him over quickly, assessing him. 

“So I see,” The man snickered. He looked the woman over at length and smiled. “I should also point out that I was not trying to ‘attract’ you. I was just being polite.”

The woman laughs, shifting her weight to one hip and placing a hand on the other.
“Isn’t that what you’re supposed to say?”

“What do you mean?”

“Oh, come on! I totally shut down your whack little pick up line and now you’re trying to save face by saying you were just ‘being polite’.”

“Wow. Really? All this when I was trying to say hello…”

“Sure you were…”

“…I mean, what if I have a wife? Or a girlfriend? Why would you assume I’m trying to ‘get with you’?”

“And?!” The woman’s face contorted involuntarily. “Guy’s meet women that they cheat on their wives and girlfriends with all of the time!”

“And you know this how exactly?” The man smirked. “Then again, judging by those old shoes, you certainly are not anyone’s mistress or wife!”

“Gay.”

“What?”

“You’re gay.” The woman sighed in relief. “I understand now. You really were just being nice to me. I’m sorry…”

“I’m not gay!”

The woman laughs hysterically a moment. The man stands fuming.

“So, just because you’re not my type of female I am now a gay male?!”

“No,” the woman began, wiping away a tear. “You’re waaaay to concerned with my shoes…”

“Unbelievable!”

“Who are you shouting at?!”

“I’m not shouting at you, you crazy woman!”

“Okay,” she rolls her eyes.”Look, I don’t go for being screamed at. Adjust your tone, please.”

“This is nuts! You’re nuts! I’m outta here!”

The man proceeds to walk away. The woman turns, falling to her knees and crying. 

“Come back! Don’t you want my phone number?!”

The man takes off running at a brisk pace. The woman stands, opening her purse. She pulls out her mobile phone and places it to her ear.

“Did you get all of that?”

The voice on the other end responds.

“Not quite. There was this really cool duck and I filmed it for my YouTube channel instead.”

Silence. The woman’s jaw drops.

“Umm…d’you think you can do it again? You know….with another guy? We really need this footage for this week’s episode of ‘Pick Up Let Downs’.”

The phone sits on the sidewalk in the mid day sun as the woman walks away from it.

“Hello? Hello?”

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12 thoughts on “P.U.L.D. – A Short Story

  1. I witnesses a much nicer version of this today in Target lol. I was walking to the register. There was a lady looking at cards, this guy walked past her, then did an about face and walked back to her, turned up the charm to 110%, held out his hand and introduced himself. She shook his hand, and then he said something ( I couldn’t hear ) and she smiled and replied “Oh I’m married”. He held up his hands in a bit of a “oops” sort of manner, smiled and said something and walked away.

    Obviously not the same scenario and outcome as your story, but it’s what I thought of. I felt bad for the guy though – he seemed sincere and nice.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Lol. I couldn’t have written a story any better myself! I live for those type of moments in life because they give me the chance to flex my socially awkward muscles as it were and turn up the charm as it were. Great comment as always, by the way. And thank you.

      Liked by 1 person

      1. That “cool duck” ,,,,won’t call me ..”Ma … here either…. lol ….I have one for you…
        what NOT TO PICK UP AT THE CHECK OUT LANE….
        PEOPLE PUT STUFF THERE FOR IMPULSE BUYING …BAD IDEA… lol…. men arent produce… so no picking them up in that department….lol…..
        melons are fruit,,,,, not a woman’s bust…. ahem…

        oh gee…. stupidest things people say when picking someone up for a potential date….

        2 ply toilet paper on Aisle 6 …next to the mop…..heheh

        Like

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