The Parent Trap – A few thoughts on single parent dating

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Courtesy of singlemomsanctuary.com

Dating can be difficult enough, but the complexities of dating AND parenting can be absolutely nerve racking at times!
Let’s say you find someone who is absolutely PERFECT for YOU! Funny. Brilliant. Shares your views on global warming and laughs at Key and Peele EXACTLY when you do. They share your aspirations and encourage you to be the greatest you possible….and have NO desire for children. Ever.
That’s a blow to the heart, my friends. Someone who may be perfect for you, but NOT for your children. And while it is said that the choice is a simple one, it may be quite difficult to simply discard what is a perfectly tailored relationship for two such as this. Thoughts like “Is there potential to grow into a greater role?” or “Will they learn to love the kids?” climb into your thoughts. What is most important to you?
The same can be said from the children’s perspective. There’s no guarantee that even if they did want kids someday that your children will ever gel with them either. My own children, for example, guarded their hearts quite fiercely after their mother and I parted ways. The threat of someone getting close to them again was too painful I believe and they began to shy away from all relationships their mother and I were in. Eventually, they began to open up to new people in our lives and even accept the fact that their parents could possibly love someone other than each other.
In the end, it is my belief that we should do what is best for all those involved. If its great for you but somehow genuinely bad for the children, it may be best to give it space. Equally, if you’re trying to “insert” someone into your already-made-family-all-we-need-is-you scenario, a frank and honest discussion is warranted as it may place unfair burdens or assumptions on that individual. Don’t be afraid of full disclosure. Be honest in your desires. If its not what they’re looking for, pleasant journey to them.
We all deserve our happiness on our terms and these things should always be organic. Fluid. Natural. We cannot force someone to love our kids as we do. If they love us, a respect or bond with our children is inevitable. No need to ever have to press the issue. It will already be completely understood by everyone involved.

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10 thoughts on “The Parent Trap – A few thoughts on single parent dating

    1. Hello Martha. And thank you for following my blog. I cannot imagine. I simply cannot. I have an stepson and I can’t imagine him being treated poorly by ANYONE. Something’s in life are definitely worth fighting for, and my eldest son is certainly that for me. I’m sorry you had to experience that, however.

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  1. I had to deal with that as a single parent, myself…men tend to think of single, female parents as “used goods” with “tons of baggage” – even if they only have one child; not multiples with many “baby daddies.”

    I suppose it goes both ways…but women aren’t as harsh on single dads as men are on single women. We women don’t want to deal with the drama of a “baby mama,” whereas absent “baby daddies” are just that: absent. Gone. Not in the picture, so no chance of sabotage.
    Just my $0.02…
    🙂

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    1. Hello sepultura. Yes! I completely agree with you about single mothers over single fathers. When I married my former wife she had a child already, but never once did I view him as “baggage” and still do not all of these years later. In my recent dating experiences, the “baby mama drama” factors in of course, but more and more I experience women who have absolutely NO DESIRE to date a man with children.

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