The Misadventures of Sebastian Greenhorne (Excerpt)

FADE IN:

EXT. GREENHORNE’S GROVE – DAY

In the middle of a lush green field, three men travel on horseback. Each man is dressed in medieval clothing. They gallop to a hault at the edge of a hill and stare down into the valley below.

HANNOCK, small and round man with a scruffy beard and raggedly dressed, 40 something
                                                             
HANNOCK
      My lord? T’is a dreadful looking hole, init?

ENGLETON, tall and slim with thin cruel features and a quick tongue. 40s as well but far better looking

ENGLETON
HANNOCK, you are the proprietor of dreadful looking holes. Still, my lord, he does have a point. Are the scoundrels of Greehorne truly ready for such momentous tidings?

SEBASTIAN, handsome and fit with a perfect smile and fair hair. For all of his physical attributes, his intelligence is quite poor, but he is far too ignorant to realize it.
                                                              
                                                                     SEBASTIAN
              Nonsense, my good fellows! This is the very town of Greenhorne…my home!

ENGLETON
Sire, your people were driven from this village ages ago….

HANNOCK
They named the town after your people as a warning NOT to return, my lord….

SEBASTIAN
Ha! Superstitious prattle! I am LORD SEBASTIAN GREENHORNE! The heir to this and all surrounding lands! Laugh with me, gents!

HANNOCK and ENGLETON begin a series of forced and uneasy laughter, but soon notice that SEBASTIAN is not laughing

HANNOCK
Umm…my lord? You’re not laughing with us, sire.

ENGLETON
Wait for it, HANNOCK…

SEBASTIAN bursts into hysterical laughter suddenly, nearly falling from his horse.

HANNOCK
(To ENGLETON) Why does he ALWAYS laugh after us? Does he think himself too good to laugh with his servants?

ENGLETON
(To HANNOCK) A psuedo-pragmatic narcissist with delusions of being welcomed in Greenhorne? Surely you jest!

HANNOCK
(To ENGLETON) Oh….well, what is it then?

ENGLETON
(To HANNOCK) Genetics, dear HANNOCK. Like his father before him, whom I also served, young SEBASTIAN has proven without a shadow of a doubt to me that ‘he who laughs last thinks the slowest’.

SEBASTIAN abruptly stops laughing. ENGLETON and HANNOCK immediately come to attention.

SEBASTIAN
This is no laughing matter, gents! What if the villagers still haven’t forgiven the Greenhorne’s for that incident all of those years ago?

HANNOCK
The bank robbing, my lord?

SEBASTIAN
No, not that…

ENGLETON
The pillaging of the homes and cattle, sire?

SEBASTIAN
No, of course not….

HANNOCK
The burning of the village itself, my lord?

SEBASTIAN
What? No, certainly not that….

ENGLETON
The impromptu pantomime in the….

SEBASTIAN
No! No, I’m curious if they’ve forgiven the Greenhorne name for leaving their hideous queen at the altar!

ENGLETON
My lord, if I may make so bold?

SEBASTIAN
Yes, ENGLETON. My very trusted advisor. Advise me, my friend.

ENGLETON
We have come this far and the village of Greenhorne is unarmed. Why not at least see how they accept us a outsiders first before announcing your heritage, sire.

SEBASTIAN
This is a mission of peace. I am testing the waters of peace…

ENGLETON
Indeed, my lord, but one should not test the waters with BOTH feet. Let us arrive as strangers and see how we are welcomed before revealing your identity.

SEBASTIAN
HANNOCK, what say you?

HANNOCK is knuckle deep in his nose when he notices the other two looking at him. He casually wipes his finger on the side of his horse and speaks.

HANNOCK
Yes indeed, sire. For a day without effort is like a day without sunshine.

SEBASTIAN
Isn’t night a day without sunshine, HANNOCK?

ENGLETON slaps his forehead in frustration

ENGLETON
What HANNOCK is attempting to say through his senseless if poetic blubbering is that we should proceed as planned, my lord, but with care.

SEBASTIAN
I see….

SEBASTIAN sits upright on his horse and smiles widely

SEBASTIAN
…but I am LORD SEBASTIAN GREENHORNE! We ride, gents!

SEBASTIAN gallops onward down the hillside toward the village below. HANNOCK and ENGLETON watch in disbelief.

HANNOCK
‘Ere, ENGLETON! I thought you said our journey would be safe escorting his lordship!

ENGLETON
Just stick to my plan, you neanderthal. We’ll get out alive.

HANNOCK
You said it was foolproof, man!

ENGLETON
I have to apologize to you then, my friend. As you can now see..NOTHING is foolproof to a sufficiently talented fool such as our master. Come on! Just follow my lead!

ENGLETON and HANNOCK gallop down the hillside toward the village of Greenhorne.
The camera pans up toward the cloudless, blue sky.

FADE OUT:

END SCENE

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5 thoughts on “The Misadventures of Sebastian Greenhorne (Excerpt)

  1. oh this was fun to read
    really nice
    doing unattached comedy myself i know that it takes some level of depth in the comedy you are writing (knowledge wise) to put up a good post
    real fun read
    oh and thanks for liking AND following my blog
    means a lot to a newbie like me
    cheers mate!
    and allow me to return the favor

    Like

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